The Mask

Probably the last time anyone wore a mask was when attending a Halloween party.  Prior to that it might have been playing Cops and Robbers, pretending to be Batman or the Masked Marvel as a child.  For some, who could forget yelling “Hi Ho Silver!” when play-acting as the Lone Ranger. Tonto was too cool for a mask.

Given current circumstances, the mask is becoming haute couture in the supermarket, the dry cleaners and especially at Costco.  Careful observation reveals a large variety of masks. Most common are the boring green ones, followed by the N95 mask which makes one look like you ought to be spray painting a restored car with Chip Foose of Overhaulin’.

The really creative folks have taken to their sewing machines, making some amazing and annoying face covers. Red, “Make America Great” masks, guaranteed to irritate Democrats are countered with “Green Deal Now” and the like. Socks, coffee filters and bandanas are seen as well as protective gear.

All things considered, a mask at this time shouldn’t be a political statement, but an expression of creative caution. It definitely should not be emblematic of fear, America is not a fearful nation. For the time being, some say that, being masked up is the now “new normal”.

Unfortunately, what’s normal for one, is not normal for someone else. Is it normal to wear a mask when you are by yourself in the car? Yet, it’s not unusual to sight a lone driver with a mask on. There have been no reported cases of pandemic victims acquiring the virus from their car air conditioner. However, wearing an N95 mask too long while driving, can cause you to inadvertently restrict your oxygen intake, then pass out behind the wheel due to insufficient oxygen intake and excessive carbon dioxide intake. This practice has caused some serious accidents. Don’t wear a mask by yourself in the car, aside from looking like a goober, you could injure yourself or someone else.

Grocery shopping is painful for those who wear glasses.  Glasses fog up when a mask is on and one cannot see what isn’t in the store.  Nothing quite like shopping in a thick self-induced fog. That is decidedly not normal. Someone needs to invent the eyeglass defogger wiper/blower.  

Evidently, it’s not normal to wear a mask of any kind at the beach, nor is physical (social) distancing practiced.  Despite closed parking lots, a lot of seaside meccas were open to the public this past weekend. Media reports from the any of the warmer climes pictured that.  

There’s a simple explanation for mask absence.  Masks make unattractive tan lines, restrict food and beverage consumption, and also make people think they look like nerds…at the beach.  The authorities are less than pleased, the natives delighted to be out. Tough to enforce short of closing all the beaches, which wouldn’t predictably, go well with the cooped-up populace as we head toward summer.

If there is a bright side to the “mask”, perhaps it should be viewed as a temporary measure, because sooner rather than later, there will be a vaccine, just like there is every year for the “flu”. So, while this “New Normal” is around, common sense and modern American medical technology, the best in the world, will hasten the return to normal.

Meanwhile, I’ll wear my bandana that supports the National Parks which was made in China, like the pandemic.