Viva Las Vegas
After two months of shutdown the hotel casinos of Las Vegas are getting ready to open. That’s great news most would think, then the details of the new normal in Vegas have come out. What’s happening in Vegas should definitely not be happening in Vegas.
Starting with resort check-in. How about a temperature check before you get through the front door? Thermal imaging cameras at resort entrances will check guests’ temperatures as they arrive. If your temperature is above 100.4 degrees, you are getting back in the car and heading south, after, of course, being told to seek medical help. If you make it past the fever check, you’ll receive complementary kits containing masks, gloves and hand sanitizer for your stay.
No line up in the lobby for your room, your smart phone will have an app that allows you to check in, give your billing data, get your digital room key. This is going kill the flip phone once and for all. Guests will be encouraged but not required to wear a mask. However, you may need a reservation to get in hotel elevators as well.
After finally getting settled in your room, you can venture out for some gambling. As you enter the casino will be greeted with hand-washing stations, complete with sinks, soap and sanitizer. Cleanliness has always been key to successful gambling.
Start with the slot machines…which now have plexiglas barriers between them. No more peaking at your slot neighbor who’s winning, while you’re wondering why your machine stinks. No more checking on how much your significant other has poured into their machine. It’ll be like sitting in at small cubicle at the office staring at a computer screen, playing slots online.
Next up, blackjack. More plexiglas barriers separating players at the table, that’ll make you feel like you’re playing cards in a bank, the new norm. Don’t forget your mask either, as some casinos may require you to wear it. Blackjack tables will be capped at three players. Added value for guests, no smoking at the table, because you can’t poke a hole in the mask to smoke. Chips, playing cards and dice will be sanitized just like Felix Unger did at Oscar Madison’s New York apartment poker game in Neil Simon’s classic play, “The Odd Couple”.
With the barriers at the blackjack table, claustrophobia soon sets in, so you turn to the crap table. Don’t bring you significant other to shoot craps, they will not be permitted to stand beside or behind you and just watch. This is where the stupidity of the six-foot rule becomes abundantly evident. To maintain social distancing, only six players will be permitted at craps tables. If the six-foot rule is applied, the table will have to be twice as big as they currently are. Huh?
Tired of gambling? How about something to eat? Thinking of dining at one of the famous “all you can eat” buffets for $39.99? Not so fast, diet breakers. The food troughs of glitter gulch are gone with the pandemic. Remember that smart phone app? That app is one of the ways proposed to order food, and then you get to pick it up. Folks do not go to Vegas to wait on themselves.
A resort reopening guide stated the foregoing.
"We ask that guests abide by a similar self-screening protocol prior to arriving and during your stay. If you have reason to believe you may have been exposed to the virus, we strongly urge you to follow CDC guidelines for self-quarantine and not travel to our properties."
Really?
The dynamics you find in Vegas, celebrating a slot machine winner or hanging in close quarters at the hotel pool when it’s 110 degrees are gone. Hotel employees will be assigned to make sure that everybody is socially distanced. The only possible added value to a Sin City holiday will be, the rooms are going to be incredibly inexpensive.
Wonder why?
If this is the new norm for Las Vegas tourism, a fair bet would be, that this isn’t going to work worth a damn. Visitors don’t go to bawdy Las Vegas to gamble in a hospital environment. The majority expect a smoky, loud, close quarter, cocktail driven escape from their day-to-day routine.
Given this new “Vegas Normal”, The Rat Pack members are rolling over in their graves and the lyrics to “Viva Las Vegas” sung by Elvis won’t fit the town anymore.
“Bright light city gonna set my soul, gonna set my soul on fire!”