The Only Way to Fly
Several decades ago, there was an airline with the slogan, “The Only Way to Fly”. Western Airlines was that company. Their ads featured a character named Wally Bird on top of the fuselage, reclining against the tail, martini in one feathered hand and a cigarette holder in the other. Wally was living large. Sadly, Western Airlines and Wally Bird were gobbled up in a merger with Delta in 1987.
For the last couple of years since the onset of the pandemic, flying has been less comfortable for a number of reasons but the biggest one is the face mask. Folks have been battling the air crews, creating all manner of havoc, including violent confrontations. Every week there was a nighttime news story, usually with smart phone video of some wacko being dragged off an airplane for their refusal to wear a mask. Wearing a mask was the only way to fly.
Fortunately, an enlightened Federal judge has issued an order ending the mandatory airplane mask requirement. Peace and civility have made a dramatic comeback at 35,000 feet. Not a moment too soon either. Only a few sourpusses remain, giving the evil eye to the unmasked. But they were born sour regardless of any mandates, so really…who cares?
Sourpusses are everywhere. Notably you will find them howling like wolves at the moon, ever since Elon Musk took over Twitter. These Tesla driving, save the planet, looney lefties have labeled the richest man in the world an Incubus, attacking free speech. They believe that their idea of how and what to tweet is under attack. Rubbish. Elon has made it very clear that he is a free speech advocate for left and right.
The few shouldn’t control the many. Americans have a long tradition of personal independence and when it’s trespassed on by a few power fueled elitists, the chickens do come home to roost. That was the case with masks on airplanes and selective free speech suppression on Twitter.
There’s no way Wally Bird would have been able to enjoy adult libation with a mask over his beak. For him it would have been no way to fly. Nor could he have expressed his opinion about the joy, on Twitter, of being on the recline atop a Western Airlines flight, relaxed and drinking. The few would have found the bird dangerous.
A recent flight on an old Western Airlines route by the author bears reportage. Only a few of the passengers were masked up. The cabin crew had grins like Cheshire cats. No longer were they the enforcers of a very unpopular mandate, risking violent confrontations. But they were the few sourpusses looked who looked like train robbers. One lady, a “Karen” (no offense to those named Karen) looked like a surgical nurse. She shot dirty looks at fellow unmasked travelers including me, her seatmate. The solution was simple. Put Fox News on the inflight entertainment and she spent the rest of the journey staring out the window. Another passenger, an obvious germaphobe, decided the wrapped Purell hand wipe he was given upon boarding was the perfect solution to sanitize his seat. What followed was a couple of minutes of vigorous wiping, holding up the boarding process. No doubt the cleanest, safest seat in the history of flight was the result.
America, pre-pandemic, was a great country. It still is if the chains of ignorance and overzealous governmental suppression are removed. There’s enough common sense in the everyday citizen that they know what’s the only way to live and what isn’t. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the blessings of real freedom in thought, action and travel.
Be the Wally Bird.